


Putting The Damage On

by e_mors



Series: Make It Good [11]
Category: Actor RPF, Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-04-20 17:20:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14265915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/e_mors/pseuds/e_mors
Summary: Armie and Timmy finally talk. But is it enough?





	Putting The Damage On

**Author's Note:**

> The beautiful title stolen from Tori Amos.

Timmy is visibly shaking in the corner of the room.

Armie sees his distress clearly. He wants to comfort him but he knows that if he touches him, he won’t be able to say everything he has to say and they will end up nowhere near a place they want to be.

So he sits on the other side of the room and tries to look calm, even though his mind is spinning.

He felt prepared coming here and now he’s blanking and his resolve is no longer there.

„I need to tell you something.” he starts and it comes out harsher than he intended. Timmy slides down the wall to sit on the floor, his head down.

„Tim.” Armie pleads. He needs him to understand he cannot come closer to him, even though that’s the only thing he wants to do.

„Just say it.” Timmy says quietly, still not looking at him.

„I lied earlier.” This is what he always does and he hates himself for it. When he tries to be honest it always comes out heavy-handed. He did the same thing to Elizabeth just hours ago and it didn’t end well. And here he is, making the same mistake.

„Just fucking say it.” Timmy snarls through his teeth, not able to keep it in anymore.

Armie is startled into silence for just a moment, realising he's causing more and more damage. The silence is short but it’s enough to push Tim to the edge. He jumps up and is in front of Armie in seconds. He towers over him, takes Armie's sweaty t-shirt in his fists and shakes him.

„You used me.” it’s a quiet growl, Timmy’s eyes are narrowed and his breath is shortened. His face is so close to Armie’s that he clearly sees every nuance of the colour of Tim’s irises. And just as he anticipated, he immediately gets lost in them and his emotions instantaneously crystallise into pure desire.

He takes Tim’s fists in his hands and tries to stay reasonable, when his whole body is once again on fire.

„What? No, Tim, no.”

Timmy lets go of Armie’s shirt and now they are holding hands, without even realising it.

Tim sits down heavily on the chair beside him and seems a little calmer now that they are touching.

„I’m so bad at this, it’s just ridiculous. I’m so sorry. Fuck.” Armie feels dizzy and close to fainting.

His grip of Timmy's hands weakens and before he knows it, he blacks out.

When he regains consciousness, he’s lying on the floor in Timmy’s arms.

„Armie?” He strokes his forehead, nothing but worry and love in his eyes.

„What happened?” Armie asks but knows already. He feels so stupid and irresponsible now and it isn't lost on him that "stupid and irresponsible" perfectly sums up his recent behaviour in general.

„I need to eat something, I haven’t had anything to eat since yesterday, I think.” He confesses.

„Fuck, Armie.” Timmy delicately releases himself from Armie’s body and stands up to prepare some food.

He gives Armie a glass of water first and urges him to stay on the floor until he finishes it.

Then he brings him a sandwich and another glass of water and waits for him to eat it.

They move to the couch, Timmy supports him on the way, even though it’s only three steps and it’s totally unnecessary. Armie’s heart melts upon all this care and affection.

„Tim. I’m so fucking stupid, you have no idea.” he admits when they finally sit facing each other.

„You’re right. I have absolutely no clue what’s going on, Armie. It scares me. You scare me.” Tim sounds utterly lost and resigned.

„I know. I’m sorry." he takes a deep breath and finally says:

"I haven’t told you the truth about Elizabeth, Tim. The fact is we had a massive fight yesterday and I basically left in the middle of it. It was brutal. But I couldn’t tell you about it because I was.. Well, I was ashamed.” he pauses, trying to gather his thoughts.

„I don’t understand. What does it mean? Did she know? Before the e-mail?” Tim tries to keep calm but he starts to fidget nervously.

„No. You see, when we were arguing I wanted to tell her, believe me, I really did and I was ready and everything..”

It’s easy to accept the hurt spreading on Timmy’s face, because it’s not as painful as the disappointment that follows it. Armie tries his best to ignore it and continues:

„At some point it just wasn’t relevant anymore, because we were talking, I mean we were fucking screaming about stuff that were there long before Crema, long before you. It was mayhem, Tim. Fucking mayhem.”

Tim’s face starts to relax a little at first but then Armie sees another emotion crawling from the corner of his lips up to his eyes.

„What have I done?” he says quietly, more to himself really.

„It’s okay, it’s okay.” Armie whispers and moves closer to hold him.

„No.” Timmy’s shivering.

„Tim, it’s going to be okay, I promise. That e-mail couldn’t possibly make things any worse, believe me.”

Armie kisses the top of his head and then his forehead and he lowers further down to kiss his lips, wanting nothing more. It feels like they fully share this thing now and it’s a little less heavy and it gives him some sort of relief and hope.

„No, Armie. You don’t understand.” Tim stops him just before he reaches his lips. „She called me.”

„What?!”

„She called me. Just now, right before you came back.”

Armie is suddenly so scared that he doesn’t even realise that he clenches his fingers around Timmy’s arms until he hisses in pain.

„I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

And he is sorry - not only for hurting Tim now but also for all the anguish that all of this will inevitably cause in the future. All of the sudden he knows. They are doomed.

He strokes Timmy’s skin, kisses his cheeks and asks a little more calmly, ignoring the tempest forming in his chest:

„What did she say?”

„I don’t know. I mean she said I made up a fantasy for myself and I’m too young to play this game and I need to be put back in my place or something like that.”

„She fucking threatened you? You are kidding me!” Armie furiously stands up and retrieves his phone from his pocket but Tim jumps up and fights him to take the phone away.

„What are you doing? Stop it, stop it. You’ll make it worse!” he pleads, frightened of what Armie is about to do.

The wrestling results in a tight embrace and they just stay like that for a while, holding each other closely.

„This is going to be bad, isn’t it?” Timmy asks, nuzzling into Armie’s neck.

Armie takes Tim’s face in his hands, looks him in the eyes and tries to find words of comfort but he can’t bring himself to lie to him anymore. So he says nothing.

Timmy has tears in his eyes, his face is opened and pure and Armie can't help thinking he couldn’t look any more beautiful than this.

„Just say the word, Armie. I will leave you alone. I will let you go. I can, I promise. I know I can.”

Armie looks at him in absolute awe as it strikes him again that Timmy seems so fragile, so delicate and yet is so much stronger than him. And certainly a lot wiser.

„I believe you, Tim. But the thing is, I can’t.”

And this is precisely what terrifies Armie the most.


End file.
